As I sit in yet another waiting room as my sweetest wife is in an operating room. I’m powerless and beyond vulnerable at this moment. I hate it! It’s unsettling to me that I have to put one hundred percent of my trust into the people that are with her right now, as my tears fall. It’s just the worst feeling ever.
I’m limited by watching a patient number (81792830) on a screen to know how Katie is doing at this very moment. “Procedure Started” does not tell me enough….it just doesn’t cut it. I want to be holding her not staring at a screen, waiting for the next lame update.
Katie & I totally under estimated this whole Port Install thing, which is my fault. In the medical world, Doctors & Nurses speak of these things so casually, not a big deal, which it is probably not a big deal, to them. But, anytime I’m in an operation waiting room, I think it’s a big deal. All of this is a big deal. I need to emotionally prepare myself, Katie too, for these things. Just another thing learned along this process, which I hope we never have to reference to again. Just like everything else, I should have researched it, but I let my guard down just for a second. I’m angry at myself for that. It could have gone smoother.
Honestly, at this moment, I need to refuel at every level and I need to do it quick, like TODAY! I have two hours to do that, while in this waiting room. As I tell my three kids, “it’s time to Step-Up!” We have work to do.